“9/10”

Chapter 62

Monday morning and, what do you know, I was on the computer. I was in high school, sophomore year. The last summer. I was doing work… but also anything-but work. Especially the beginning of the year. So yeah, I’m not doing anything at all.

I know that there’s a software called Kazaa, but for the life of me, I don’t know how to do it. And it’s so frustrating. I did do Limewire and I was looking around but… it’s way too difficult. That being said, all this free music stuff… it’s just grim and cruel. I’m spending to go to the record store. And then my Mom walked in, in to the office.

She looked bare. And pure white. Is it a ghost? She just got off the phone, but I didn’t know who it was. Greg was playing video games in the next room and my Dad was at work. But she looked… I don’t know… despondent?

“Hey, are you okay?” I said to Mom. She was shocked for a minute and then she said “I just got off the phone,,, with the doctor… I have breast cancer…” she said. I was also dumbfounded. For the first time in my life, I was shocked. I thought to myself, okay - now what? do we have a plan? Kind of like the TV show The West Wing. They did, thank god. Then I thought to myself, Dad was at work and Greg was playing video games - so did she just tell me before everyone? And she did. Which I get it. I would too. I stood up next her and hugged my Mom. Phone and all. And she cried. And I… I went black.

I was the only person that my mom had cancer. What do I do now? I was frightened and I was scared. Because what if it wasn’t fine? What if she’s not.

I’m sure Dad got home and the family talked it out, but like I said, I was blacked out. I was numb. This massive space of my Mom, some gargantuan mom, and I was cursed a little bit - we all were. All I want to do is cry, but I can’t because, like I said, I was motionless.

Then, it was a Tuesday and I went to school and it was math class, second period. All of a sudden, one teacher called the other teacher and there was scuttlebutt, all of a sudden. Then the teacher got a TV and said “hey class - I don’t know how to say this, but the Twin Towers are falling - the guidance counselor says no, but that’s insane. I want to know what the news says now. If you want to go, I will write you a Hall Pass”. But all I heard was my Mom has cancer.

Between classes, like I said, I was numb. 9/11. Yup, that 9/11. It was a horrible and tragedy for everyone. But all I could do was to say my mom has cancer and I don’t know what to do. It’s surreal.

Fifth period, I was in driving class, because every sophomore year student is going to plan to be driving soon. But they had the TV blaring and they were like pins and needles and watching the news of the twin towers in rubble.

Then the secretary popped in and she said “Dan Maxwell?” and I said, out of the blue, said “yeah?” in the secretary said “ Hi Dan. I’m just calling to tell you that your Dad is safe” and she had a smile and waiting for a thank you from me but I said “yeah, he works way uptown” because I knew where my Dad works. She was confused, in a little bit shocked and the secretary said “well he’s Uptown, so we’re good”. So I said “yeah… like I said, he’s uptown” And that time I was actually pissed cause I have to get back to grieving my Mom. Secretary said “uuhh!” And she left. Before I could do anything, the whole classAnd the teacher looked at me and just said “what the fuck, Dan!!!” but I didn’t care. Still don’t.

Then later, my Mom actually picked me up and also Greg at a different school. Mom is so tough. That’s what I would say. She said “we’re going to do the Catholic Church and pray for the people who are at the twin towers and they’re safe return”. But all I could think about was you have cancer.

We stopped at St Pat’s and it was closed. On a Tuesday afternoon, the Catholic church was fucking closed. If that’s not a linchpin, I don’t know what is… so my brother said “what should we do?” and Mom said “...I don’t know… let’s get in the car and I’m going to think about it” and we started driving.

We stopped at the another church, across the street from CVS, United Methodist Church. I know, it because I’ve played music shows there. It’s not my favorite church, but it’s fine. And we went in. Then we sat down on a pew. Mom said “please give the strength to our Twin Towers… and please let Grant get home safe…” which is fine, I respect that. But that’s not what she was really asking.

I think it was really Mom and the cancer and then that… it’s… heartbreaking. It is really really heartbreaking… and scared. But also on the flip side - pride and getting through. Then 25 years and everyone in our family was messed up for a long time. But, like I said, let’s just take a minute… and say… can we have another? Because that’s what the Maxwell family does. And they do it very very well.