“Dave Needs Dots!!”

Chapter 58

This is a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, so let’s take it with a grain (heavy grain) of salt. That being said, it’s definitely all true… right?

David Lee Roth walked in with a old guitar at Ludlow Guitars (RIP). The manager knew David Lee Roth from doing the exact same - guitar shopping. We were all doing that - still do. The manager says “Hey David, how are you? What’s going on today?” David says “Hey man, I’m going to pick you up this guitar and I want you to look at that and think and I want you to think what what’s missing here…” The manager said “oh no, is it broken? Please, by all means pick up the guitar…” So, they did that.

It was a stunning 1957 Gibson ES-225. A gorgeous and beautiful guitar. And David bought it last week, so they were looking at it and the manager said “all right - I’m not sure, but I don’t see the problem?” David says “really? look again…”

The manager looks again. After a minute, the manager again says “yeah, I’m really sorry, David, but can you elaborate? I’m just not sure I’m seeing it…” David says “really. You can’t see this. Because, for me? It’s right smack-dab in the middle.” The manager says “I’m really sorry, David. I’m sure for any reason there is a problem here, but I just want to see what’s what…” and David said “all right - well, gentlemen, Dave needs dots!!”

The manager was puzzled. Dave needs dots? Huh? David was chuffed, because finally he was talking about guitars one-on-one, and he loved that. But the manager was bewildered. The manager can’t do that at all because David Lee Roth was a big big star. Like massive star. Like Van Halen-star-star. Also the manager wasn’t sure how to react, because he could blow up at any point because that is what he does. So, the manager said “I’m really sorry - what did you say?” and David said “Dave needs dots. Dave. Needs. Dots.“ and the manager said “yeah, but what do you mean ‘Dave needs dots’? I don’t understand…” and the manager was trying to get pissed off because why wouldn’t you.

David says “really? again? fine, I’ll tell you. The frets they don’t have the markers. And I need the Frets or dots or something because I need dots on it. And they didn’t have any dots.” in the manager says “okay - and do you need any dots?” And David says “well duh! Yes!” laughing.

You see, the 1957 Gibson ES-225 guitar was a custom guitar and the frets have no dots. It’s pretty much exactly how David Lee Roth described it. To a T. Good on you, David.

The manager said “okay, so what do you want me to do then?” and David says “well, I don’t know. How long till I get dots in. Is it a week? Is it a month? I’m unfamiliar with this” The manager stopped. And thought about it. Now he’s actually getting annoyed. The manager says “David, I’m really sorry - what are you asking?” And David was getting in a tizzy. “till you can get the dots!! I need in this guitar!! How long!!”

The manager said “All right, all right - I’m really sorry about all of this. Listen, we can’t do frets/dots on the guitar because this is an old guitar. …very old. Like 50s old. So, I’m really sorry about that. If it’s you need there’s a lot of guitars around this shop, so we can do an exchange for another guitar with dots. I’m really sorry about that. I can’t do that on this guitar because it’s just really old.” David, who is calm down now, said “oh man, that sucks. But I guess I understand. So, we can do a switcheroo?” and the manager said “yes, totally” and David said “all right, cool.” And then he didn’t ask any other questions and he sat down in his seat and said “how about that guitar…”

It was a Fender Telecaster. 2007 New. The manager said, laughing, “oh that’s funny, David.” David said “what’s so funny? I want that guitar.” The manager said “wait, are you serious?” and David said “yeah, I’ll do the switcheroo and then I will go home with a new guitar. Bing-bang-boom.” and the manager said “David. The Gibson ES-225 is around $5000. It is the history. It’ll take care of it. Treasure it. Work at it. The Fender, which is also great guitar also, is $700. And it’s not even close to that. Do you know what I mean?” David did not know what he meant. He did not know what he meant for years and years. David said “okay, I get it I get it - so, like, two guitars?”

The manager was dumbfounded. The manager felt sad for David Lee Roth. He said “no, David. It was around 7 guitars”. And David stops and he said “well, fuck - that I just want one guitar. What do you think we should do?” and again the manager felt bad for David Lee Roth. And also this is conversation been going on for too long. The manager said “you know what? Maybe we can work this out. So the Telecaster then? Let’s find something…” the manager returned it - all of it.

David Lee Roth was finally taken care of. For nothing. Well, $700. So, yeah… nothing.