"Paul vs Raul"

Chapter 46

I was walking down the hall, to get to my last class. I was in high school and it was my senior year. I was looking at my list for classes and I thought that’s strange. There’s the art class and the music class, and then you step down and that's it, you're outside - there is no other class. Then I took a left - which I didn't know what was there . There are two different classes. Number one the weights room (which I was not going through there) and the other one is wood class.

I walked in to the woodworking class and I was the only one there. All of a sudden I looked at the back of the room and here was my teacher. A brand new teacher. This guy was named Mr. Flick. It’s actually a pretty cool name. I said “hey, are you Mr. Flick?” and the guy said “yeah, yeah, are you for the last class? the wood class?” and I said to him “yeah, that’s me” and he said “okay, yeah - have a seat. I’m going to let people trickle in” and then he went back to what he was doing. Sure enough, they did just like he expected. Andy McDowell, my good friend from cross country. Finally, finally, finally - another person.

“All right - I’m Mr. Flick. I’m 44. I am divorced. I have no kids and we are not going to be doing anything today, just listening” very matter of factly. He also had a mustache. A blonde mustache. Far out, Mr. Flick. Then he went down the list for all the do’s and don’ts of the woodworking station. But then I heard a snicker and I turned around with Andy and there was two different kids with a special ed teacher. It was Kenny Lewis and Paul Price, and the teacher, Mr. Hughes. And I thought “we’re going to get no work done”. Kenny and Paul were a team sort of. I would have a feeling they’re doing like a Boris & Natasha thing. Or maybe Laurel & Hardy? You know, one of them was tall and the other one is short… but, you know, fat. I know Paul’s brother, Steve. But I didn’t know Kenny. And Kenny would always be snickering or laughing: one of the two. And then Paul would be mad at Kenny for some reason. That was just how they went. Then Mr. Hughes was their special ed teacher for the whole day, everyday. I guess they had both classes as well? I guess I never thought about that… but maybe I don’t want to know also? Like, I said, so it goes.

Two months in and woodworking was still incredibly awesome class, especially at the end of the day. One day we had to, basically, cut a nail in the hammer. Very simple but very difficult. When I first did it, I took 11 nails. But I got better. When I was finished, I got it down to 3. I had a self of accomplishment, whatever that means. Andy went next. He did the same thing, he went down for 9 to 4. And do you know what else? Mr Hughes went in there and did it. He got from 8 to a 2, which was great. He also was teaching for the first time ever, but really he was a hedge fund for a very long time. Then he stopped doing that because he felt grimy. Which I totally get it. What I just learned is “hedge funds” or “PE funds” is really just “sales”. That’s what he did and he did it pretty well. And then we were laughing with him and Andy and me. Even Mr Flick came over and laughed with us too.

And then all of a sudden we heard yelling and Kenny was laughing at Paul with with Kenny’s hammer. And right away Mr Hughes, under his breath, “fuuuuuuuck…” and he went over. And following Mr Flick as well. But me and Andy were snickering.

“What happened?” Mr. Flick said. Paul, the mad as hell one, said “I was so proud because I put in my name, and then this idiot took his hammer and three letters later made it says ‘Raul’!!” and Mr. Hughes says “Okay - who is Raul?” And Kenny just exploded with laughter again. Paul said “no, ‘Raul’ is what it says now, but really it should say ‘Paul’!!” Which was his name. We did the calculations and, oh my god, he is right.

Mr. Flick said, through laughter “all right, all right - knock it off. Kenny, apologize to Paul” which Mr. Flick was doing this multiple times a week. “I’m sorry, Raul” and then Kenny laughed again. And even the whole class and teachers, everyone and their mothers, laughed. And Paul said “See?!?!” with contempt.

“Paul. It’s really funny, come on - it’s a funny joke” said Mr Hughes. Paul said “I want a real apology.” Mr Hughes said “Paul, come on” Because he’s had enough. We got 10 minutes until the weekend. Kenny still is just laughing because that’s what he does. Paul said “I want an apology” and Mr Hughes says “uhhh - all right. Kenny, can you please give another apology to Paul. This time for real this time?” Kenny said, laughing through and through “I’m really sorry, Paul” and Mr Hughes looked at Paul with a question mark in his eyes. And then Paul nodded his head, still have mad, but what else is new. Mr. Hughes did a sigh of relief. In the same for Mr Flick. So I turned around in the table as Andy sat down so I said “oh, where were you?” Andy said “check this out…“ . I looked…

Raul and the lumber. He took the hammer, very quietly, and cut out the wood with the nails that say “Raul”. And he did it perfectly. “Oh my god…” I said mesmerized, like it was funny? Or sad? Or freaked out? Andy said “right?? I don’t know what I will do, but I had to have it.” I said “Oh my god” again. And then class rung the bell for a Friday. Until we dispersed and laughing every step of the way.