“Do Better.”

Chapter 29

The other day my Mom went for a colonoscopy. Everything was fine, but I've never seen this before now. For instance, everyone is there for two different reasons. The first person is there getting a colonoscopy and the second person is there to drive them home. I was in a third group because I don’t drive. So, we got an Uber. Anyway, I'm sitting in the waiting room, my Mom is in the facility and I'm scrolling Instagram, etc and I got to thinking about how my Mom is really fucking awesome.

Thirty years ago, my Mom was driving home from Granny's place. It was in Lakewood, New Jersey and at the time it was barren. There was a McDonald's and a strip mall but that was it. It was a 2-hour drive back to Madison, New Jersey. My Mom was driving, I was in the passenger seat, and my brother was sleeping in the back because he was a child. I was a child too, but I loved the drive. We would talk about whatever. We would talk about my dreams, her dreams, my Dad and why he always got home so late, and other stuff. And then we would get home and I slept for 5 hours before getting up and going to school. It was fantastic. And we would take this drive about every two weeks. Because Granny also didn't drive (…it's funny how that works all these years later.)

When my Dad was sick, my Mom went to work and then after work she went to the hospital. And it was brutal. And also she was still healing from her own cancer, which I can't forget. My family had it rough for a very very long time. But anyway, when she was at the hospital even when my Dad was in a coma, she was there. My Mom and Dad were soulmates. My Dad had a very strange family that he didn't talk to. My Mom had four siblings - two Brothers were in jail for whatever reasons and two sisters who my Mom did a great job of managing.

When I was sick I was in my first rehab place right by Giralda Farms in Madison¹. I was in the gym and I was standing using the parallel bars with one person assisting me and three or four people monitoring us. And at that time it was a lot because I was extremely tired and my left leg was fine but my right leg… who knows. So I probably did that for 10 minutes with times for stopping, starting again, stopping again, starting again, stopping again². And then I was slowly walking and all of a sudden I saw my Mom filming me and she was crying.

I look back and I was so mad about that, but I realized my Mom was encouraging me and cheering me and also inspiring me to do better. With a smile.

It was a rough few years even before the stroke. But Mom had it 20 times worse. She had it rough at the same time and she didn't bat an eye. Breast cancer, my Dad dying of leukemia, my Brother and the head trauma, and then my stroke.

Back to the non-story. We are in the waiting room and I look over at my Mom who is waiting to go in for her colonoscopy. I love her so so much. And like I said, she's frustrating and she's indecisive sometimes. But on the flip side: she's kind, she's so talented, she's got a lawyer's sensibility, she's got a feeling of right and wrong. She's a lot of stuff that makes me so happy. But really she's my Mom and I love her more than you know.

1. maybe it was Atlantic Health? I don't know - one of these days I'm going to go there and just say “Hi I had a stroke… thank you?”, but not right now

2. you get it… actually do you?